HR jokes
Shawn - great idea!!! 
TWELVE THINGS YOU’LL NEVER HEAR AN EMPLOYEE TELL HIS/HER
BOSS
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5:00 and then bring it
to me. The challenge of a deadline is always refreshing.
2. If it’s really a "rush job," run in and interrupt me every 10
minutes to inquire how it’s going. That greatly aids my efficiency.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance
to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don’t open the door
for me. I might need to learn how to function as a paraplegic in future and
opening doors is good training.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority.
Let me guess.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to
go or anything to do.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. Leaks like that could get me a
promotion.
8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. If fact,
save them until the job is almost done.
10. Never introduce me to the people you’re with. When you refer to them later,
my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your
life.
12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know
someone is less fortunate.
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An old occupation
What happens when people of different occupations
get old.
- Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.
- Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.
- Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.
- Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.
- Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.
- Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.
- Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.
- Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.
- Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.
- Old investors never die, they just roll over.
- Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.
- Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
- Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under.
- Old mathematicians never die, they just disintegrate.
- Old number theorists never die, they just get past their prime.
- Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.
- Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane.
- Old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away.
- Old schools never die, they just lose their principals.
- Old sculptors never die, they just lose their marbles.
- Old seers never die, they just lose their vision.
- Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away.
- Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper.
- Old students never die, they just get degraded.
- Old typists never die, they just lose their justification.
- Walt Disney didn’t die. He’s in suspended animation.
Day Off, a Boss’s Perspective
So, you want the day off?
Let’s take a look at what you are asking for.
There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks a year in which you already get 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up
170 days, leaving 1 days available. You spend 30 minutes a day on a coffee break. That accounts
for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With one Hour for lunch period
each day you use up another 46 days,
leaving only 22 days available to work.
You normally spend 2 days a year for sick
leave. This leaves you only 20 days
available for work. We are off for 5
holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give you 2 weeks off for vacation per year. This only
leaves 1 day available for work.
And I’ll be darned if you’re going to take that day off!!
